Last weekend Seth and took a work shop from Jed and Carlin Diamond
about the authentic masculine and the authentic feminine. It was fun and very insightful. I always believed that gender was a concept of our society - and I still believe that the stereotypes are - however there are just some distinct differences (usually)between what Jed and Carlin call egg people and sperm people.
For example, egg's are discerning. They can reproduce only once per year at most (not counting twins). They are not mobile, they sit large and full healthy chromosomes and they can invite or reject approaching sperm. Sperm are driven, mobile and more expendable. They are extremely small compared to the egg but out number the egg by billions. They can produce as many babies per day as they get a "shot" at and thus are more about driving forward and getting things done, while the egg makes
sure that what's getting done is quality.
We did all kinds of excises to put us in touch with both our egg and sperm brains (and everyone got to play each role).
We discussed how in many cultures the world over, men are considered more expendable than women. Now this is not a judgement of that being right or wrong it was simply
the best way, especially for our tribal ancestors, to keep the
population going - because for every man killed, their was another man
behind him with billions of sperm just waiting to get the job done.
Thus men where the leaders. When traveling in groups they walked out first
in case a mountain lion jumped down or some other danger suddenly exploded in
front of the heard. They did the dangerous work of hacking through,
plowing, and leading and women nurtured (not just babies).
Men build systems and plan, they're also more reckless.
Women on the other hand nurture those systems, get creative with them and sustain them. Of course this is a general view and each family and neighborhood has their own way to work within and without of this paradigm.
I loved this view because it doesn't mean that women cannot go out in th so-called business or corporate world and it doesn't mean that men can't stay home, it's about recognizing the drive to lead and the drive to nurture within the egg and sperm people's chosen field. It gets us more in touch with our authentic selves.
That having been said I want to give a nod to the traditional family. Now I'm talking 1950's Leave It to Beaver kinda family but I am saying that, for my family, a two parent structure where each parent has certain responsibilities works the best for us.
Parent 1 - Leads (but doesn't force), builds the design of the family, creates the structure and moves the family forward
Parent 2 - Nurtures that system, tends the needs within, uses creativity to help it flow smoothly
In our family Seth earns the money and deals with the finances. (That having been said I think that every person who chooses to let their partner deal with the money MUST have a way to earn money on their own if they need because unfortunately in our society money equals power so you cannot allow another to have complete power over you.) But back to my family, let's take the house hunt for example. We all went out to look at potential new homes, we all gave our opinions on what we liked
and didn't like but in the end a house is a lot of money and Seth knows what money we
have and what we don't have. He's comes to us and says "We can afford this
one, and we can't afford that one, and we could make this one work if
we changed this....etc." Then we give our opinions again and he makes
the choice, signs the papers, gets the deposit together, goes to the
bank not to mention figures out how and where our finances are going to
cover everything, etc.
Meanwhile, I pack the boxes, make sure
the truck is rented, organize our things, figure out the layout of the
new place and where furniture should go, locate the nearest health food
store, sew new curtains, etc.
If one of us had to do ALL those
things or if we were both trying to do part of each of those things,
without honoring our authentic selves and what we are good at, it just
wouldn't work. We would get overwhelmed, grouchy, confused, and we would run
into the "too many cooks spoils the pot" scenario.
If I tried, with my creative brain, to do the math needed to balance the finances
I *could* do it but I wouldn't do it as well as Seth does. That being
said, if Seth had to organize the moving boxes and sew thecurtians he *could* do it but not as well as I could.
I think nothing makes a family work better than honoring our authentic selves. That having been said it doesn't have to run on gender, if mom's good at math and dad kicks ass at sewing or you have two dads or two moms, then roles would shift, I'm
just using my family as an example.
So in my family Seth leads, or ideally he does. It's my choice to be led because I get too stressed out with trying to make the big choices and keeping the lunches packed and the home school work sorted out. I've balked at this so many times but every time I just take a deep breath and let (and most importantly TRUST) Seth to handle it, I feel better, he feels better and things run so much more smoothly for us.
So with that I felt very inspired when I read this quote this morning:
"President [Howard W.] Hunter said: 'A man who holds the
priesthood regards the family as ordained of God. Your leadership of the
family is your most important and sacred responsibility. The family is the
most important unit in time and in eternity and, as such, transcends every
other interest in life' (Ensign, Nov. 1994, 50)."
OK, so in my personal tradition Seth does hold the priesthood of our family (of course I have the priestesshood which is equal just different ;)) But I interpret this quote thusly, when a man is in touch with his natural importance and leadership role in the family, which is ordained by God(dess)
and/or nature, he knows that his family is the most important and
sacred responsibility he has. It empowers the man (or in the case of gay and
lesbian couples the most "sperm brain" minded of them) to lead with the
knowledge of his/her sacred duty to protect and provide for his family.
What do you think? What have you experienced in your family? What role does your faith play in your families leadership?
