Just like England’s bid to host the World Cup, Mary Byrne was humiliatingly ditched by the omnipotent X-Factor judges last week, irrespective of her technical supremacy, despite her superior ability and regardless of her preferable presentation.FIFA told England that they were the best in all of those categories as well.
But it was all fixed.
That is the claim of Mary Byrne herself, and the X-Factor producers responded that ‘Mary loves a good conspiracy’.
Ah, that old chestnut.
Whenever anyone nears to disclosing an inconvenient truth, the ad hominem begins; usually an undermining of their sanity, a questioning of their mental or emotional state, or an outright character assassination with allegations of extremism, some ‘-phobia’ or bigotry.
And then all rational discourse and objective evaluation ceases.
But Mary has a point.
In previous years, without exception, it is the people alone who have decided which acts proceed through to the final. It was pure democracy in action: the ultimate Hannan-Carswell open primary; no matter what the oligarchic philosopher-judges wanted, it was for the people to decide.
And that is exactly what Dermot O’Leary reiterated the Saturday before. He told millions of viewers: “Your votes and your votes alone can get your favourite act safely through to the final.”
But at the last minute, for the first time in the show's history, all contestants were told there would be a sing-off decider.
It was clear from the public vote of previous weeks that Mary Byrne was going to beat Cher Lloyd, and now that poor girl has a vitriolic ‘Hate Cher’ campaign being waged against her.
Why does this matter?
Why, you may wonder, is His Grace concerned with such trivia?
To be honest (as he likes to be with his readers and communicants), his motives are mixed.
He has written before about the Cowellian agenda for world domination. More people watch X-Factor than attend football matches on a Saturday or Church on a Sunday. Simon Cowell is the High Priest of media manipulation, now credited with ‘producing’ public opinion through the X-Factor Matrix which is defining and creating reality, permitting the masses to live vicariously the ecstasy of others; to fulfil their fantasies and to dream big dreams.
According to Total Politics magazine, Simon Cowell is the 26th most influential non-politician in politics: that is to say, the 26th most influential unelected person responsible for ‘shaping the political ideas that dominate the election and in the unknown entity beyond’.
He is described as a ‘music supremo’:
Perhaps a surprise inclusion, Cowell is someone who can guarantee the attention of political leaders if he wants it. Last year the X-Factor mastermind announced that he was considering bringing the populism of the show to politics, with politicians suggesting policies to be voted on by the public. Such is his influence that David Cameron admitted recently that "politics can learn from Simon Cowell".It is a little frightening to imagine what he might achieve were he to enter the political realm.
In the meantime, as the English Football Association consider the alternatives to FIFA, His Grace would like to remind his readers that there is an altruistic alternative to Simon Cowell’s divine right to ordain this year’s Christmas No1:
Love Sir Cliff or loathe him, it must be preferable to have a the gospel message of a much-loved Christmas carol filling the airwaves at Christmas than more Cowellian egotism. While X-Factor will provide Mr Cowell with another Beverly Hills mansion and help to fuel his private jet, Sir Cliff has agreed to donate all of his 'Little Town' download royalties to Alzheimer’s research.
Go on.
You know you want to.
It's Christmas.
