Friday, February 19, 2010

Headlines - Friday

Sorry, this is a bit long today. I've been gone a few days and it's snowing AGAIN.
 
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Utah Eyes Axing Senior Year of High School to Save Money;
"Most Utahans Are Way Too Overeducated as It Is,"
State Lawmakers Say

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We don't need no education

Sen. Chris Buttars
Utah State Senate

Dear Brother Buttars,

As much as I like your idea to save the state money by getting rid of the twelfth grade, I wonder why just the senior year. Kids have all the reading and ciphering education they need by the seventh grade. All that's left is the fancy math, like algebra, and that was invented by Muslims and scientists like Newton. Do we really want to expose our children to such influences?

They'd be better off learning a trade by serving as apprentices. Consider what such an influx of twelve-year-old apprentices would do for the economy. It could very well bring about the rebirth of such industries as haberdashery, barrel making, and narrow-vein clean-coal mining.

Of course, I'm just talking about the guys here. As priesthood holders, God entrusts young twelve-year-old men with more theological power and responsibility than their mothers will ever achieve. If they're old enough for the Aaronic Priesthood, their old enough to mine a few tons of coal, don't you think?

We can marry off the girls to widowers and returned missionaries.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian

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From right-wing shock-jock Michael Savage: (Weiner)

You know what disturbs me? This is the part that worries me a little bit. [Palin] went to work for Fox News, and at the same time, she's fundamentally running for the presidency. At the same time. I mean, the last I checked, you can't do that. The last I checked is that you have to leave a media job in order to announce your candidacy. What is this? You can't have it both ways. Either you're running, or you're not. Don't play a game with the American people. We're not stupid.
Umm...actually, you are.
 
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h/t Andy: Hitler is informed that he didn't win the eBay auction to have dinner with Sarah Palin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIaSf3soBzY&feature=player_embedded#
 
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Disturbing ads from the past

This is the America that the tea-baggers want back.

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Hey! This isn't my bible comic!

Hotel is ordered to remove Al Gore book, brown M&Ms from hick diva's room.

The customary copy of "An Inconvenient Truth" was conveniently missing from Sarah Palin's room at the eco-friendly Gaia Shasta Hotel & Spa, where the average hockey-mom and her daughter freshened up before Palin's appearances at a recent conference in Redding.

"We were
under strict instructions" to make sure the Gore books were removed from rooms used by Palin and other conference VIPs, a hotel staffer said last night.
"She only reads books by the Founding Fathers, her own palms, and of course all of the newspapers," the staffer added, rolling her eyes.

 
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Washington lobbyists earn $1.3 million an hour.
 
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Global Warming Denialism Explained
1. It is more convenient to believe that
global warming is not occurring.
2. It is more comfortable to believe that even if
global warming is occurring, we humans are
not the cause.
3. Even if global warming is occurring and humans
are the cause, it is easier to do nothing about it.
 
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So when does "Rich people create jobs" kick in already?
 
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The Buying of America
 
Health care and business interests led the way as clients spent a record $3.5 billion on lobbying last year, prompted by Obama administration drives to reshape federal policy for the medical, financial and energy industries.
 
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Sarah Palin, finally a fallen star by Richard Cohen Link

Excerpt:
It's possible that Sarah Palin's best quality is that she has none at all. She exists for her friends and enemies as a fantasy figure. For the left, she is a harbinger of the hard-right government takeover they fear is coming. And for the right, she is the leader -- all instinct and no sophistication -- that they knew would someday lead America out of its current socialist wilderness. The pity for them both is that in reality, not to mention the polls, she sorely disappoints...

 The lady from Alaska is a phony. She has sold out for money, quitting office so that she could cash in. She asserted her small-town bona fides, her antipathy both to the establishment and the mainstream media -- and then got herself a ghostwriter, a booking agent and a (Fox News) network contract. She is rich, famous for the metaphorical 15 minutes Andy Warhol allotted us all and, elbows swinging, is forging her way to oblivion. She was neither a threat (the left) nor an opportunity (the right), but just a fantasy -- until the American people
turned the lights on.  

A Palin presidency would be a Bush-sized disaster for America but it sure would be a never-ending gold mine for people who make their living mocking the ridiculous.

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texas
 
Rick Perry supporters think the Flintstones was a documentary
 
Texas, WTF? Boy, wait until these people find out the earth is actually ROUND!

Nearly a third of Texans believe humans and dinosaurs roamed the earth at the same time, and more than half disagree with the theory that humans developed from earlier species of animals, according to the University of Texas/Texas Tribune Poll.

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Kansas lawmaker compares rape to auto theft.        

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Lots of good stuff from Griper Blade while I was away.
 
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Faith-based prenatal care

Joshua DuBois
White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships

Dear
Mr. Dubois,

A fellow man of God needs our help. The Australian government fired psychologist Mark Edward Tynan for taking a faith-based approach with his patients. Apparently, the government objected to his work with fetuses who were being "programmed" by the Illuminati.

The programming consisted of exposing them "to 'hostile chemicals' [ingested] by the mother or by injecting it into the amniotic fluid and poking with needles." Additionally, the Illuminati applied electrical shocks the the pre-born. The shocks and the chemicals caused the fetuses to experience their "first death/near death experience and the first sense of intense fear or terror." In other words, the Illuminati are recruiting our unborn babies by scaring the Jesus out of them.

Let me assure you that Pastor Tynan acted professionally in his practice. He consulted with experts and invited demon exorcists to assist in his sessions.

It'd be a shame if all his knowledge and experience went to waste. I hope you will consider inviting him to serve on your staff.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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Attempting to blow up a federal building is only an act of domestic terrorism if the guy is brown.

Also, anti-government anti-Obama nuts launch Facebook page to honor domestic terrorist who crashed his plane into IRS office ...

And you could write this off as just a few nuts on the Internet, except that new GOP Senator Scott Brown said tonight that the same anger that convinced this man to crash a plane into an IRS office, 9/11 style, was the same anger that got Brown elected last month. Perhaps not such an aberration after all.

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If you want to motivate people, hit 'em in the wallet:

UN report: cost of pollution could wipe out 1/3 of corporate profits

How much you wanna bet you're gonna see a big push by Big Business to "go green"?

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This is why we can't have nice things

Bipartisanshipness --

John Boehner: I demand you post the healthcare bill online!

Prez Obama: Good idea -- done!

John Boehner: What?!! Damn socialist commie, I
cannot believe you posted the healthcare bill online. {weeping}

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But it's socialism!
 
ThinkProgress has investigated opponents of the Recovery Act, reporting throughout the year that many of the lawmakers who tried to kill the legislation have been returning to their home states to claim credit for popular stimulus programs. In a new research report, ThinkProgress finds that over half of the GOP caucus, 110 lawmakers — from the House and Senate — are guilty of stimulus hypocrisy. Among some of the key findings: http://thinkprogress.org/2010/02/17/stimulus-hypocrisy-101/
 
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Fux news goes full Palin, causes flux in the space-time continuum
 
Fox nutwork hosts: Why can't the rest of the media treat the teabaggers as respectfully as we treated the anti-war protesters? You know, those Marxist, anti-American, troop-hating, terrist-loving, defeatocrap cut-and-run surrender-monkey appeasement protesters?
 
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Bernie Kerik, once nominated to be the head of the Department of Homeland Security by Commander Codpiece, and Rudy Giulianni's BFF sentenced to 4 years in prison.
 
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84% of country hates America

A new poll reveals that a majority of Americans consider the teabagger movement a "fruitless mix of racism and conspiracy theories."

A
Fox Nooze poll.

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The Minority Outreach Continues at the State Level

A state senator who floated the idea of commemorating Utah's most famous gun maker with a state holiday on the same date as that honoring slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. said he'll seek another date because of backlash he faced this week.

Instead, Sen. Mark Madsen, R-Lehi, said he'll ask veterans' groups if they would like to share either Veterans Day or Memorial Day, and will ask the LDS Church if it's appropriate to share the July 24 Pioneer Day state holiday with the late Ogden gun inventor John M. Browning.

 
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People Waiting in Line to Become the Next Leader
of the Taliban
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Let's roll! We'll get 'em dead or alive!

Just when you think their level of hypocrisy and hopped-up outrage couldn't be topped, they continue to surprise....

The latest: President Obama is killing too many terrorists. Yes, he's been too successful at taking out those which we presumably want taken out.

[J]ust imagine if
a piece like this appeared during Bush/Cheney's reign, accusing them of killing too many terrorists. Oh, the outcry that would've occurred from the screeching right, the fulminating condemnation riddled with labels like "unpatriotic," "enemy sympathizer" and "treason" to name a few. Yet here we are, this tripe published without a peep from the Country First crowd. Just crickets.
Indeed. From Grey Matter.

 
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Being wrong all the time does pay
 
Check out the home of a famous NYT columnist here.
 
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Kenneth Starr Converts from Church of Christ to
Baptist Church to Become President of Baylor
University, Condemns Himself to Hell
 
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Oh, Snap!
 
Sarah Palin likes to use her son Trig as a prop for her political views. She uses him as a poster child for her anti-reproductive-freedom views (for all that it appears that flying back to Alaska after her water broke sure looks like an attempt at a self-induced late-term abortion). She uses him to take offense whenever anyone who isn't a wingnut uses the word "retarded". (Hey, Sarah! Marc Maron does it all the time. Why not go after him? His podcast could use the publicity.)

We already know that when an influential wingnut talks about "retards", it's satire. But let a cartoon show do a throwaway joke about the parent of a Downs Syndrome child being a former governor of Alaska, and
all hell breaks loose.

But the actress who voiced the character knows the meaning of satire, even if Sarah Palin doesn't. And
Andrea Friedman wrote to the media to let them know:
The father of the actress who provided the voice for the character of the young woman on the episode of Family Guy, which Sarah Palin described as "a kick in the gut", has sent this e-mail to a friend of palingates:

Below is a copy of a letter to the editor that Andrea has written and sent. Please feel free to circulate it on the web or in any other manner that you choose.

All best wishes,

Hal Friedman

My name is Andrea Fay Friedman. I was born with Down syndrome. I played the role of Ellen on the "Extra Large Medium" episode of Family Guy that was broadcast on Valentine's day. Although they gave me red hair on the show, I am really a blonde. I also wore a red wig for my role in " Smudge" but I was a blonde in "Life Goes On". I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line "I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska" was very funny. I think the word is "sarcasm".

In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. My mother did not carry me around under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes.

Andrea sent her comment by e-mail to the
New York Times

Andrea Friedman, you rock.
 
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The mind boggles: school edition
 
So the Lower Merion School District, outside of Philadelphia, issued laptops to their students. The laptops came, as most do, with webcams and microphones.

So what did the school district do?
They (allegedly) used the webcams to spy on the students in their homes. We are at the point, I fear, where the title "school administrator" is becoming synonymous with "imbecile."

Feel safer yet? And if anyone has issued you a laptop, buy some electrical tape and cover up the bloody web cam. And the microphone.
 
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Call now to order a bayonet for your pistol!

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Newseek: surrender your freedom
 
Newsweek, in publishing an article which suggests that Tibet is better off for being under the boot of the Chinese, is suggesting that freedom is not all it is cracked up to be.

So the editors of Newsweek would agree that the main mistake made by the British in the American colonies was that they did not do their utmost to make life comfy for the Colonists? No doubt the editors of Newsweek would concur that the slaves in the Old South would have not yearned for freedom if they were treated better. Oh, if only the Germans had been kind to the people of France, Belgium, Holland, Denmark, Poland, Czechoslovakia, etc., etc.!!

The Newsweek article reads like it was a propaganda piece paid for by the Chinese government. The editors should be ashamed of themselves.
 
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Most exciting thing imagineable happens for CPAC attendees!
 
LIZ CHENEY INTRODUCES SURPRISE GUEST DICK CHENEY. Pants off, everyone! 2-18-10: where were you when the one memorable news event of the day happened? YouTube
 
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Important things that happened yesterday
 
Fleeing justice!
 
2/18/10, NEVER FORGET: Yesterday, while Austin residents freaked out about the anti-tax nut cleverly flying his plane into the IRS breakroom while all the auditors were out of the office, Atlanta confronted an even greater horror: a zebra on the loose and just goin' nuts downtown, on the freeway, during rush hour. Best sentence in this article: "He looked outside and saw an African creature running down the pavement." Atlanta Journal-Constitution
 
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Headline of the day

Obama approves the construction of the first new nuclear reactors in thirty years. Republicans call emergency meeting to determine what they don't like about this.
-- headline from Fark. Actual story here.

And how it will be covered:

MSNBC: "Obama Approves New Nuclear Reactors"
CNN: "Obama's Nuke Scenario A Terrorist Goldmine"
FUX: "Will Obama's New Reactors Sterilize Us, Turning Us Gay?"

 
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Buried in his jammies

I love this stuff: "A DNA study published in a US medical journal says Egypt's famed King Tutankhamun suffered from a cleft palate and club foot and died from complications from a broken leg exacerbated by malaria," eating a crocodile.

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Hitler wants to make a Hitler You Tube Parody video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CyzgOupqLg&feature=player_embedded#
 
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But… but… teleprompters!

Palin is again refusing to allow cameras and photographers to record her public events. Palin is scheduled to speak in Florida at two separate events next month. The events require an attendee to purchase a $250 or $150 ticket and the press are not invited. Palin also barred the press from many of her book tour appearances.

It is possible Palin is attempting to prevent another "telepalmter" incident. Cameras caught Palin consulting crib notes written on her hand during the question and session at a recent teabagging party. Her use of a teleprompter was conveniently ignored.

Palin also is refusing to disclose what she is doing with the $100,000 speaking fee she received from the Tea Party Convention. Palin promised that the money would go to conservative causes but has not actually said what that means. Talking Points Memo has pressed Palin for details and she has thus far refused to provide any answers. Previously money from Palin's political action committee have been used to buy her own books.

 
Run, dipshit, run!

Scenes we'd love to see, by dKos contributor Angry Mouse:

"If this is the war the party of stupid wants, let them have it. Let us see what their rightwing insanity has sown. Let us watch Sarah debate President Obama, crib notes and all. Because even though the entire Republican Congress was outmatched in a battle of wits only a few weeks ago, Sarah, being Sarah, will strut into any debate thinking she has the upper hand. And America needs to watch that, the arrogance of someone so hopelessly out of her league that she doesn't even realize she's out of her league, daring to take on President Obama…"
You betcha!