February 27, 2009 - Something There, All Right

There’s something there, all right.

This morning I go to Ocean Medical Center for my thyroid ultrasound. The test itself is a breeze – I’m in and out of there in less than 10 minutes.

The technician asks me if the doctor told me anything about what she’s supposed to look for. I explain that the PET/CT scan picked up an abnormality on the thyroid, probably some kind of nodule.

Which side is it on?

That, I don’t know.

She commences to scan. I’m lying on my back, looking up at the ceiling, while she squirts a little warm gel at the base of my neck and commences to move the handheld scanning device around.

When she gets to the left side of the thyroid, she finds it. A roughly circular dark area. She shows it to me on the screen. “I can’t say for sure,” she tells me, “but it’s my guess that’s what they’re looking for.” I notice she’s dragging the cursor across that part of the image, doing some measurements.

“How big do you figure it is?

“A little less than a centimeter.”

No surprises, there. They saw it on the PET/CT, and here it is again. I find it hard to understand how the grainy ultrasound picture gives the docs any better resolution than a CT scan, but the ways of radiology are exceeding strange.

I believe this is the very same room I was in when I had my abdominal ultrasound back in the fall of 2005, that started this whole process for me. My feelings today, though, are 100% different. Back then, I was clutching that prescription script from Dr. Cheli that read, “Suspect lymphoma” and anxiously wondering what all this meant. Today, I’m a veteran of a great many tests and scans, most of them much more onerous than this simple procedure.

The vast majority of thyroid nodules, I’ve learned, are benign. So, no sense borrowing trouble.

As Dr. Wendy Harpham reminded me in a comment on my last entry, one small silver lining on the cancer cloud is that you do get scanned all the time, which means there’s a greater chance of picking up any further problems – even unrelated problems – at an early stage.

I should learn more next week. I wonder if another biopsy is in my future, or if they’ll be able to tell from the ultrasound alone what sort of nodule this is....

Zelco lamp for BBQ and Macro Photos?

For a few years in the early 80's I shot hundreds of small tools and devices for a popular catalog company. Anyone that's done this type of close-up and macro photography knows that there's no single lighting set-up that works for all items. Consequently, in addition to my custom built infinity table, giant softbox that floated above the table using a series of pulleys, speedlights under the table to pump light up through the plexiglass, I was always looking for everyday items to help modify or provide spots of light to illuminate a particular demanding product.

Having bought the Zelco LED BBQ Light for my outdoor grilling several months ago, I realized this compact light source would also be great for providing well focused and easily directed supplemental light...if I still was shooting small size product photography.

I'm pretty sure that Zelco probably never thought about this lamp being used for photography lighting, but after fooling around with it a few times over the past month, it confirms my belief that there really are no set rules in what tools you use to light a scene. Sometimes you need to think out of the box when it comes to photography. Also, if this light source were marketed as a specialized photography device, it'd probably cost more than the $49 I paid Zelco. Best of all, now I can use it for both my grilling and shooting pleasure!

(Click on any thumbnail to see a larger image file)

Watches are like lenses - you can't have too many

A current "show your watch" thread on dpreview, and the fact that my wife just returned from a trip to Switzerland and surprised me with a new Mondaine watch, prompted me to take this photo of a few of my time pieces. I've always had a fondness for watches in the same way I have for cameras. They're both basically devices that serve only one purpose, yet it's interesting to see how different their form and function can be.

The watches in this photo, from left to right, are: Mondaine, Hamilton circa 1950, Movado, Ebel, and Avalon by Citizen.

Having shot hundreds of small products for a catalog in the early 80's, I realize how difficult it is in taking a photo of multiple items, each with their own reflective properties. This was just a quick photo and not intended to be a masterpiece. As the other photo shows, I shot this outdoors under natural light (overcast morning) and used a Photoflex 32" White/Translucent LiteDisc to diffuse the light and control the reflections, as best as I could. Photo shot with K20D and FA 100mm Macro.

(Click on the thumbnail to see a larger image file)

February 21, 2009 - And Now, For Something Completely Different...

Yesterday I received a phone call from Dr. Lerner, who gave me some good news and some bad news. The good news is, my recent PET/CT scan reported no change with my lymphoma. It’s been that way for a while now. My indolent disease is continuing its shiftless ways, which is just fine with me.

The bad news is, the scan picked up some abnormalities on my thyroid gland. Dr. Lerner wants me to have an ultrasound of the thyroid, to check it out.

He didn’t sound too concerned. In fact, he said he didn’t think it was much of anything, but he wants me to have the ultrasound just to be sure.

I heard Dr. Lerner use the word “adenoma” as an explanation for what this could possibly be. On the web, I found this description from a medical textbook:

“Most [thyroid] nodules rather than being cancer (carcinomas) are actually tumorous collections of benign cells variously called adenomas or adenomatoid nodules.

Whether nodules are ‘cold’ or ‘hot’ on thyroid nuclear scanning relates to their ability to trap and collect radioactive substances such as radioactive iodine or other radioactive elements used in nuclear medicine. These isotopes are either swallowed or injected intravenously and their extraction from the blood and concentration within the nodules causes the areas corresponding to the nodules to show up as black ‘hot’ spots on the scan image.

Hot nodules are rarely cancer and most often represent benign follicular adenomas. In addition, such hot nodules may in fact be overproducing thyroid hormone and may cause hyperthyroidism. The larger the ‘hot’ nodule the more likely it will be associated with hyperthyroidism.”

I thought about asking him some questions about various scenarios that could ensue, but thought better of it. He’s not going to be able to tell me anything, I reasoned. That’s why he’s asking for the ultrasound. You’re just going to have to suck it up and wait.

So, that’s what I’m doing. Dr. Lerner is going to have someone from his staff call me next week, to set up an appointment at Ocean Medical Center. Then, it will be more waiting, while the radiologist interprets the results and shares them with Dr. Lerner.

I’m not feeling too concerned about it. Seems like “waiting” is my middle name, these days. Several years ago, I might have gotten anxious, but after undergoing a couple of biopsies plus chemotherapy, an ultrasound is a piece of cake. I’m actually feeling more anxious about the wisdom tooth I’m scheduled to have my dentist extract on Monday.

It’s just another test. I’ll be hoping that, like all the other recent scans I’ve had, this one, too will prove to be of little concern.

Marc Andreessen Interview

Charlie Rose interviewed Marc Andreessen last night (February 19th). Pretty fascinating conversation that covered topics including his views on Facebook, social networking and his current work at Ning, as well as the future of mobile web. He also spoke passionately and convincingly about what newspapers need to do. If you want an insight into where the internet is going, this is a great interview. Marc studied at The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign at the National Center for Supercomputing Applications (NCSA), and is credited with creating Mosaic, the first graphical Web browser, the foundation upon which Microsoft Internet Explorer is based. Marc was also a founder of Netscape.

White K2000 Shipping in U.S.

I thought some of our Pentaxians, in the US, might like an update on the White K2000 special edition model (includes white body, white 18-55mm lens, white 50-200mm lens). We started shipping this item two weeks ago. It's available only at our pentaxwebstore.com, and to Sam's Club members through their website.

Although I'll be accused by some that I'm trying to promote sales, I just want to clarify that we only brought in 500 units, and sales are going very well. Keep this in mind, if you're considering buying one for yourself or a loved one.

I also saw a few posts that folks were interested in seeing how a black lens looked on the white body. Therefore, I've posted photos showing the camera with a 40mm and 70mm Limited lens. And, please don't ask me to take pictures of more lens/body combinations. Use your imagination!

Lastly, I am not sure how many of you know about the special offer that's in these white K2000 kits, as well as all black K2000's we're selling in the states. See the last two photos in this thread, where I photographed the front and back of this "PENTAX Visa Prepaid Card Offer". This offer is being made exclusively to customers that purchase the K2000. It's not promoted or advertised, like a national rebate on a number of different products. Think of it as a "personal" thank you for buying the camera, and we thought it would be a nice surprise when you open the package for the first time. As a kid, I loved to see what toy was inside the Cracker Jack's box.

The attached photo is sharp enough so you can see what savings you'll get if you purchase any of these items. The terms are also stated very clearly, but I would suggest you read them carefully before deciding if purchasing the K2000 to then buy another item to get these savings makes financial sense to you. Also, to avoid any forum-frenzied confusion, you can only submit the original printed offer card to qualify for this program. No photocopies will be accepted. In other words, only folks who buy the K2000 are qualified to get the savings. And, notice we are not using rebate checks for this particular promotion. We're doing this limited offer to test the effectiveness of using VISA pre-paid cards, which you can use anywhere except to draw cash from an ATM machine.

Hope this post has been helpful, and I apologize for its length. But I wanted to make sure we were clear on the status of this model, as well as how this new promotion works.

(Note: Click on any of these thumbnails to see a larger image. Star Wars figure courtesy of my grandson)

February 19, 2009 - Wisdom to Survive

Today I’m reading an article from Newsweek, written by Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger III, Captain of U.S. Airways Flight 1549, who piloted his plane to a successful emergency landing in the Hudson River. Captain Sullenberger is a national hero, of course. His story of coolheaded competence and courage has spoken in some remarkable ways to a nation grown weary, and wary, of its leaders.

His tale of survivorship says a few things to those of us surviving a different sort of crisis.

First, although I used the word “hero” to describe him, it’s a word he shies away from:

“As my wife, Lorrie, pointed out on 60 Minutes, a hero is someone who decides to run into a burning building. This was different – this was a situation that was thrust upon us. I didn’t choose to do what I did.”

Cancer, too, is thrust upon us. We don’t choose it. Although some are quick to describe us with words like “courage” – maybe even “hero” – it’s not a mantle most of us wear comfortably. We didn’t run into this particular burning building. We woke up smelling smoke, and now we’re trying our best to find a way out of the place. Just because we’re not running around yelling and screaming doesn’t make us especially courageous, or heroic.

Second, Captain Sullenberger has something to say about what it takes to get through a crisis:

“During every minute of the flight, I was confident I could solve the next problem. My first officer, Jeff Skiles, and I did what airline pilots do: we followed our training, and our philosophy of life. We valued every life on that airplane and knew it was our responsibility to try to save each one, in spite of the sudden and complete failure of our aircraft. We never gave up. Having a plan enabled us to keep our hope alive. Perhaps in a similar fashion, people who are in their own personal crises – a pink slip, a foreclosure – can be reminded that no matter how dire the circumstance, or how little time you have to deal with it, further action is always possible. There's always a way out of even the tightest spot. You can survive.”

Indeed. We can survive. When bad news comes, when frightful challenges arise, we may feel for a time like we’re headed for disaster. There are things we’ve learned, though – or can learn – about survivorship. Such wisdom we can fall back on, when the engines flame out and we feel ourselves suddenly descending. Just follow our training, and our philosophy of life. These things will see us through.

“Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.”
– Daniel 12:3

Church

I don't know how all my other Mormon brother and sisters are doing with church post the prop 8 nightmare but I haven't been able to go back. It's not that I myself can't go back, I wouldn't mind standing my ground and following the Holy Spirit, however I can't imagine putting my two young boys in primary and nursery knowing what they teach them about families now. It breaks my heart. I want a faith I can raise my children in but I just cannot raise them in that environment, they are too young, too impressionable.

I've thought about going to the Community of Christ but they are an hour and a half away, as are the Unitarians which are not quite spiritual enough for me.

I do think I've found a happy solution for now. I have been attending the Episcopal church in Willits, St. Francis of the Redwoods. They are very open minded and a really good group of people. One of them reffered to me as an espica-pagan, LOL.

I miss having the restoration in my life as a community blessing and I don't consider myself an Episcopalian (even though my parents baptized me one when I was 2) but I can go to this church (which is a straw bale adobe eco church by the way) and I can wear my Goddess necklace and insert "Mary Magdalen" into my prayers and call the Holy Spirit "she" and no one bats an eyelash - in fact many join in.

My kids go to the Sunday school taught by a nice woman. The other children in their class are the darling children of the lesbian couple who attends the church. Quite a difference from LDS church - huh?

It's not perfect but I'm feeling thankful for the spiritual community I have right now. I feel like I'm on a good path.

Blessings of the cosmic, Heavenly Mother, Sophia to you and your loved ones and Christ's love be with you always.

Church

I don't know how all my other Mormon brother and sisters are doing with church post the prop 8 nightmare but I haven't been able to go back. It's not that I myself can't go back, I wouldn't mind standing my ground and following the Holy Spirit, however I can't imagine putting my two young boys in primary and nursery knowing what they teach them about families now. It breaks my heart. I want a faith I can raise my children in but I just cannot raise them in that environment, they are too young, too impressionable.

I've thought about going to the Community of Christ but they are an hour and a half away, as are the Unitarians which are not quite spiritual enough for me.

I do think I've found a happy solution for now. I have been attending the Episcopal church in Willits, St. Francis of the Redwoods. They are very open minded and a really good group of people. One of them reffered to me as an espica-pagan, LOL.

I miss having the restoration in my life as a community blessing and I don't consider myself an Episcopalian (even though my parents baptized me one when I was 2) but I can go to this church (which is a straw bale adobe eco church by the way) and I can wear my Goddess necklace and insert "Mary Magdalen" into my prayers and call the Holy Spirit "she" and no one bats an eyelash - in fact many join in.

My kids go to the Sunday school taught by a nice woman. The other children in their class are the darling children of the lesbian couple who attends the church. Quite a difference from LDS church - huh?

It's not perfect but I'm feeling thankful for the spiritual community I have right now. I feel like I'm on a good path.

Blessings of the cosmic, Heavenly Mother, Sophia to you and your loved ones and Christ's love be with you always.

Conversation at the Summit with Jay Maisel

I have always been a great admirer of Jay Maisel's work, and was fortunate to attend one of his workshops many moons ago. In this video, he shares his thoughts about what photography means to him and why he always carries a camera with him. Although Nikon sponsored this conference, I thought Jay's message was well worth a listen to.

Quick Update

Sorry I've been so absent lately. I just wanted to send out a quick update and let everyone know we are doing very well. I'm super busy. I started a Waldorf childcare in my home and am teaching about 30-40 hours per week with hopes of starting a part-time, K-3 private Steiner school in my home this fall.

I've been reading a lot of Steiner's works and feel that applying my MA in Women's Spirituality to his teachings of Isis Mary and Sophia really heightens my connection with his educational theories and helps me apply them in a highly effective way. I may just have found my calling. (I knew that Saturn returns would kick in soon :))

Hope you are all well. I love you!

Quick Update

Sorry I've been so absent lately. I just wanted to send out a quick update and let everyone know we are doing very well. I'm super busy. I started a Waldorf childcare in my home and am teaching about 30-40 hours per week with hopes of starting a part-time, K-3 private Steiner school in my home this fall.

I've been reading a lot of Steiner's works and feel that applying my MA in Women's Spirituality to his teachings of Isis Mary and Sophia really heightens my connection with his educational theories and helps me apply them in a highly effective way. I may just have found my calling. (I knew that Saturn returns would kick in soon :))

Hope you are all well. I love you!

Valentine's Day Flowers

It's a terrible day in Southern California to celebrate our President's Day Holiday in the US. Rainy, windy and cold. Not being able to venture outside for long, this is a quick study with some Valentine's Day flowers two days later. I was only interested in capturing colors and reflections to create a mood. Photographed with K20D and DA* 300mm lens. Shot in RAW and processed with CS3 to create jpeg's for this Blogger post. Click on the thumbnail to see a slightly larger file.

February 14, 2009 - Could the Stakes Be Any Higher?

One of the hardest treatments for us cancer patients to wrap our minds around is stem cell transplants. The biology of DNA is so intricate, and the calculation of the odds of success so complex, that making a decision about whether or not to pursue such treatment is a monumental task.

David Arenson, a chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) survivor, does as good a job of writing about this as any. You can read his effort in his February 13 blog entry. Although he has a different disease than mine – leukemia vs. lymphoma – CLL and NHL have many similarities.

David describes his decision-making process as “like looking through Mr. Magoo glasses and saying there are objects in the sky twinkling at night without knowing which are stars, which are planets, and which are airplanes passing by.” Then he goes on to describe, in rather greater detail than you’d expect for a scientific layperson wearing Magoo glasses, just what some of those celestial objects are. The acuity of his vision is sharper than most, despite the disclaimer.

The decision as to whether or not to go for a stem-cell transplant is always a tough one. There are trade-offs – not exactly “damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” but something along those lines. Here’s how David describes it:

“There is an anonymous quote I ran across that sums up my opinion: ‘There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it's easy.’

Dragging out the chemo is the ‘easy’ choice here, but in a way it is also the hardest. It is a personal statement that ‘I accept that CLL will shorten my life, and that I will live three, five, maybe eight more years.’

Making the ‘hard’ choice to go for transplant is saying, ‘I know there is a reasonable chance that I could be cured of CLL and I am willing to accept the risk of getting killed in the process, or living with inconvenience afterward, in order to have a longer life.’”

David is 52: the same age as me. He’s at a prime age for a stem-cell transplant and will be for some time. Yet, the older he gets, the worse the odds become. His disease is evidently more aggressive than mine, but not so aggressive as to lead his doctor to stare him in the eye and say, “For God's sake, man, go for the transplant, or you won’t be alive next year.” It’s something of a roll of the dice, and no one can advise him definitively on what decision to make.

Go for the transplant now... wait a few years and see how the science develops... reject the whole idea because of the nasty things runaway graft-versus-host disease (GVH) could do – it’s not a simple either-or choice, but rather a whole spectrum of options.

What it comes down to, when all the complex genetic calculations are completed, and the national donor registry has been searched with a fine-toothed comb, truly is a roll of the dice. And the stakes could not be higher.

You have my sympathy, David – and in a very personal way. I could very well be sitting where you are, at some point in the future.

February 11, 2009 - Time: On My Side?

Today’s my PET/CT scan. It’s routine, but – as always – there’s low-level anxiety as I prepare to await the results.

At Jersey Shore University Medical Center, the PET/CT machine sits on a trailer pulled up to a sort of loading dock at the hospital. It’s here a few days a week, and at other hospitals the rest of the time. (I think I heard a tech say this one migrates between here and Massachusetts.) That’s how expensive these machines are – nobody can afford to have them sit unused for any length of time, so they take them on the road. Deals on wheels, for the hospital bean-counters.

I think it’s a pretty ingenious solution, actually. You know, bring the mountain to Mohammed, that sort of thing.

My visit is utterly unremarkable. I’ve had 3 or 4 PET scans in the past, so I know what to expect. First, I get jabbed in the fingertip to have my blood sugar tested (no diabetic worries, the tech tells me, peering into her little handheld device: my blood sugar is 94, which she says is excellent). They have to do the blood sugar test because the PET scan centers around an injection of a radioactive glucose solution, which – the theory goes – gets sucked up by any ravenous, fast-growing cancer cells, which are subsequently revealed to the scanner’s inquisitive electronic eye. (It wouldn’t be a good idea to send sugar solution racing through the bloodstream of a diabetic, which is why they do the precautionary test first.)

Next is the injection itself, which is no big deal: an IV line inserted for a few minutes, to receive the injection from a syringe enclosed in a shiny, lead-lined cylinder (this, to protect the technician from frequent exposure; we patients – who are getting the radioactive slurry injected right into our bodies – are on our own).

After that, I sit quietly in a chair for 45 minutes or so, while the stuff makes its way through my body. Then, it’s time to lie down on the narrow, sliding table whose motorized works will trundle me in and out of the donut-hole of the scanner.

The hardest thing is lying on my back absolutely still for a half-hour or so, with my arms extended over my head. It’s not the most comfortable pose to hold, despite the best efforts of the PET-scan techs to position me just right. (Fortunately, I have no claustrophobia problems, which could be an issue for some people as they lie inside the scanner, looking up at the top edge of the donut-hole just a few inches in front of their nose.)

On other visits, they’ve had relaxing, new-agey mood music playing through the unit’s PA system. This time, they’ve got the thing dialed to some classic-rock radio station, complete with commercials – not the most optimal programming for getting through the long minutes of lying still. I find the best way to get through this sort of experience is by seeking to go somewhere mentally far away, which soft instrumental music helps me do. No help from the rock-music deejays, on that account.

One of the songs that comes on is the Rolling Stones’ “Time Is On My Side.” “Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is," croons ol’ Mick.

Is it, I wonder? Am I continuing to stay ahead of the curve, on this cancer thing? Or, will this scan reveal something new and disturbing?

No way of knowing, at the moment. “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:34)

A Few More DA 15mm Test Shots

As a follow-up to last Sunday's Harry the Pelican post, here are some new photos taken with the DA 15mm Limited lens. All photos shot with K20D in RAW and converted with CS3 to jpeg's for posting here on Blogger. Photos have not been cropped, nor have I applied any corrections for CA, distortion, etc.

DA Limited Lens Case

We just received initial production pieces of the DA Limited Lens Case. I thought a few Pentaxians might like to see some detailed photos of the final product. The case should be available for sale in the next week or two at the pentaxwebstore in the US, as well as any dealers that choose to carry the item. The case measures approximately 9"(L) x 3.75" (D) x 3" (H). It comes with 4 padded dividers that have velcro tabs. Retail price is $49.95.

Photos shot with K20D and FA 100mm f/2.8 Macro lens.

(Note: As we sourced this product in the US, from Case Logic, I don't know if other Pentax subsidiaries will carry it.)

A few people have asked if you can use this case for the FA Limited's. As I only have a 31mm Limited with me, I posted a photo below showing this lens in the case. Not sure if the photo does a good job of showing it, but the 31mm is too big for the case. Very tight fit and too much pressure on the zipper to close the case. Sort of like trying to fit a size 10 foot in a 9 shoe!