The title of this blog is a question I ask myself almost daily. The answer is - I don't know. I don't fit into any Mormon "box" you could think of yet I still do consider myself a Mormon.
I haven't been to church since stake conferenace about a month ago. Before stake conferenace I had been out of town so I hadn't attendanted church for nearly a month but I was still in contact with my visiting home teachers and my RS president.
I was having heavy issues with returning to church mainly due to all the Prop 8 nonesense. It was painful to go to church and hear all the same-sex slurs at every turn. It was so hard to keep a positive outlook and I usually bolted out the door early, dragging my children behind me, my stomach heaving, my hands shaking, my blood boiling.
After attending Sunstone Symposium I felt a sense of peace with Mormonism that I hadn't previously been able to find. Sunstone became my "ward" and I didn't feel the need for another one. I may only get to meet with my "ward" once a year but it will just have to be enough - I simply can stand the thought of returning to my ward - at least not until after the election and then still, I just don't know.
My faith however is as strong as ever. Having come to Mormonism from a liberal viewpoint and open interpretation of the Gospel I have found absolutely no challenge in the daily application of my faith and my Mormon experiences both with my summer baptism and Suntone symposium. I really feel like a great gift was given to me through baptism, both the lineage of Jospeh Smith - the greatest prophet in my eyes - but also the gift of Sophia, the Holy Spirit, who's near tangible presence is now forever with me. My soul is uplifted, my life Divinely guided.
One part of my Mormonism has failed - crashed and burned in a most remarkable way, the Temple. I tried very had to smoosh my faith into the narrowly diffined box set out by the LDS church so that I could be Temple worthy but in the end ....I just can't meet those standards and I'm afraid unless the church makes a few key changes, I never will.
I've been reading Ogden Kraut however and there was something that he points out John Taylor said about Temple sealings; "I was asked if certain ordinances could be preformed in different places. I told them, yes, under certian circumstances. 'Where', I was asked. 'Anywhere besides in temples?' Yes. Anywhere besides the Endowment House?' Yes. 'Where, in some other house?' In another house or out of doors, as the circumstances might be. Why did I say that?...It is the authority of the Priesthood, not the place that validates and sanctifies the ordinace. I was asked if people could be sealed outside. Yes! I could have told them I was sealed outside and lots of others..."
President Woodruff said in a letter on June 8, 1887 that the pattern laid out for the temple Endowments by Brighma Young should always be followed because he knew them best, he was with Joseph from the beginning. "Follow that pattern that President Young has set to us, and not deviate one iota." However the garments, wording of ceremonies, the ordinations, the ceremony itself and the marriage laws all have been changes since that time.
I don't think that I wouldn't benefit from a visit to the Temple, on the contray I'm sure it would be an amazing exeperince, one that I would like to have, however is it anymore "correct" as far as what the Lord and Lady want from us here on earth than say a full moon circle with my deaest friends? I say, no. It is the intent we show our Lord and Lady - not the place.
So that's the update for those interested in my ever evolving path.
"Come, Come ye Saints, no toil or labor fear...All is well, all is well."
Blessed Be!
