Today I go to Ocean Medical Center for my long-awaited surgical biopsy (removal of a swollen lymph node near my right collarbone). I get all the way to the operating table, but then the operation is abruptly called off. Here’s the story.I arrive at 2:30 p.m. (My original time was 1:30, but the hospital same-day surgery department phoned me to push my appointment back an hour, due to operating-room delays). I’m ushered back into the pre-op area, then prepped for surgery (don a hospital gown, get an IV line inserted, answer lots of medical-history questions). I meet Dr. Jeffrey Winkler, the anesthesiologist du jour, and discover that this doctor – unlike the one who sedated me last week, for my colonoscopy – has no problem with my using a BiPAP machine in the operating room. He does explain that I’ll be under “conscious sedation” – which means I’ll probably be aware of some of what’s going on in the O.R. With this kind of surgery, he explains, most of the pain control is local anesthesia, administered by the surgeon. The sedation is just to keep me comfortable, while all this is going on.
Two and a half hours after we arrived at the hospital, an orderly shows up to wheel me into the surgical area. After 10 or 15 more minutes’ waiting outside the O.R., a nurse wheels me inside, lines up my gurney next to the operating table, and has me slide over. Dr. Winkler is busy behind me, preparing to administer anesthesia. Dr. Gornish, the surgeon, comes in and greets me. “Let’s find this thing,” he says – all business – and he begins feeling around the base of my neck with his fingers. He seems to be taking longer than I’d expect, and soon I learn the reason why. He can’t locate the swollen lymph node he’d distinctly felt nearly a month ago, when I saw him in his office.
Dr. Gornish consults the diagram he drew at the time, then comes back and palpates me some more. Still no sign of the swollen node. It wouldn’t be responsible to proceed with the surgery under these circumstances, he explains. He could end up cutting me in the wrong place, then have to enlarge the incision until he found the suspect node. I could end up with way too much muscle and nerve damage. The best thing to do, he thinks, is for me to go for an ultrasound-guided needle biopsy. It won’t produce as large a tissue sample for the pathologist to look at, but at least the procedure can be accurately targeted. First, though, he’ll write me a prescription for a simple ultrasound, for a quick look-see.In moments, the O.R. team swiftly undoes all the pre-op preparations they’ve just taken me through. There’s some light-hearted kidding around, among these twentysomething nurses and technicians, about my having missed out on the drugs (not the first thing on my mind, to be sure). I never do receive any anesthesia – although Dr. Winkler does tell me that, just before the cease-and-desist order, he gave me an anti-nausea medication through the IV line. It should cause me no ill effects.
Someone wheels me back to the same-day surgery staging area. In the curtained-off cubicles around me are several other patients, the few stragglers remaining after a long day of surgery. The woman across from me is holding an ice pack to the side of her face. In the cubicle next to her is another woman with a vomit bucket on her lap. Both of them have that ashen, post-surgery pallor. The nurse calls Claire in, removes my IV, and tells me I can get dressed. I don’t know whether or not I should feel fortunate – especially considering the fact that I may have to go through this whole routine soon again. We’re home by 6 p.m.
What does all this mean? It’s anybody’s guess. Because the swollen lymph nodes have been visible on various scans since March, I don’t think they were merely the by-product of some transient infection – though I’m no medical expert. If they were cancerous, then did the cancer suddenly and inexplicably reverse itself? Or are they still hiding out, but too deep, now, to be detected by touch?It’s too early to say. The only certainty is that more tests are in my immediate future. Tomorrow I’ll leave a message for Dr. Lerner at his office, and find out what he recommends.
One way or another, cancer is forcing me to live one day at a time.
